I was raised in a Bible-thumping, hellfire-and-brimstone kind of religion. I never felt comfortable with it. Everyone seemed so angry and joyless. I observed behavior in churches that one only sees on reality television shows these days. In addition to the screeching and condemning from the pulpit, there were the women whispering behind their hands about the color of lipstick the pastor's wife was wearing, how many kids one family kept producing, the clothes people dared to wear to church, and did you know blah blah blah - pure gossip.
Pastors came and went, each dismissed for unethical reasons; their wives were out of control, he flirted with a patient in the hospital, he wasn't honest in his dealings with the congregation. Of course, the next pastor hired walked on water and was going to take the congregation to new heights. And always the disappointment when it didn't work out.
I have never encountered more critical or judgmental people in all of my life. These so-called Christian people would use racial slurs, tell racial jokes, smoke, drink, curse, run around on their spouses, or worse yet abuse them. But come Sunday morning, they had on their best suits, clean-shaven reeking of aftershave, collecting the offering, teaching Sunday school, or serving communion. I actually witnessed one deacon of the church refuse to serve Communion to someone because he didn't know that person, and didn't feel it was deserved. How pompous and hypocritical.
I have visited many churches of many denominations and, for the most part, they are all the same. I understand that church is the place for sinners, but it's too bad the sinners don't recognize their need for redemption. The gossip, the back-biting, the trouble-making...not something I want to associate with. Someone told me once that no one would get in the way of their worship. I thought, "Well, good for you. You are a much better Christian than me to overlook this poisoned environment." I quit going to church because they are full of hypocrites, and I don't want to add to that number.
Worship comes in many forms, and I worship often throughout the day, every day. My husband and I are blessed and thankful for God's care, and express that every day. I worship by giving my eggs to friends that are needy. I worship when I take bags full of clothes to the second-hand store. I worship when I give furniture to a young couple just starting out. I worship while I'm doing my outside chores, thanking God for my health, my properity, and the beautiful elements of nature that He has provided for this earth. The Bible teaches us to love our neighbors, help the poor, take care of the widows and orphans, and to serve others. This is our worship, and we don't hesitate to tell people that.
I doubt I will ever go to church regularly again. My memories of the church of my childhood are not good ones. I will never forget the smell of damp cinderblocks and stuffy sanctuaries because there was no air-conditioning. I can't forget the longing for the friends I wanted, but didn't find in the church my parents forced us to attend. I can't abide the scriptures being crammed down my throat by someone who I feel is totally unqualified to tell me how to live my life. I leave that up to God in His wisdom.
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